Memory
by Tragedy Tay
Summary: She is tired. Tonight she will sleep, losing a few hours of watching herself rot away, as she slips into a dreamless coma that will last her long enough to be able to keep waiting. Summer ficlet. Very heavy PG-13, very dark.


Title: Memory

Author: Spud14 (Katie)

Summary: She is tired. Tonight she will sleep, losing a few hours of watching herself rot away, as she slips into a dreamless coma that will last her long enough to be able to keep waiting.

Pairing: Seth/Summer

Archive: Ask nicely

AN: This is by far the weirdest thing I have ever written. I'm not even sure if I like it. Or even if it has a point. You be the judge. I don't own The O.C.

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Summer knows she will die.

And she knows that it will be herself who will cause it.

Summer knows that her destiny is to die a young death, not from her body's eventual failure, but from the fog of her mind.

One day, the world will spin too hard, too fast for her, and she will fall off.

She has long since known that this world is not meant for her. She has known for as long as she can remember that this world will never leave her happy, or content.

Or loved.

This past year is nothing but the exception that proves the rule.

Everything is flashing around her, beautiful light people, warm under the sky, moving far too fast to ever actually stop,and see.

Summer can't keep track of it anymore, her world is an endless string of bronzed faces, of fake smiles, of a summer sun burning her into oblivion.

Her world will never be dark. This city of fake, blinding smiles won't let it.

She yearns to see the dark, yearns for the day that she won't have to look in the mirror and see what she has become.

She is falling down a deep pit, so slowly that sometimes she forgets that it's even happening.

But the weight is relentless, always there, lurking around everything she manages to stop and notice.

Always waiting for her to slip, so it can push her down farther, until the day when she finally gives up whatever it is she's desperately hanging on to, and takes a final fall into a deep void of nothingness.

Summer's world is nothing if not beauty, and her's is the rare, natural beauty that countless others seek.

It is all she has left.

Summer's world is a fairy tale, but she's missing her happily ever after.

And her Prince.

Summer's world is built of shining jewlery, sparkling ocean, and seamless beauty.

Only, it's not.

Summer's world is wrenching ugliness.

She traces a perfectly manicured finger over lines lovingly carved into her now less-than-perfect skin.

She is tired. Tonight she will sleep, losing a few hours of watching herself rot away, as she slips into a dreamless coma that will last her long enough to be able to keep waiting.

She will not end it today, no, she will wait until he returns.

He will come to her, overflowing with apologies that she will hear, but not comprehend.

And she will stare into his eyes, watching, as he searches through her's, trying to catch a glimpse of the Summer he once knew. She will wait, trying to see a reflection of the girl he is looking for, the girl she once was, for the briefest of moments.

She expects nothing, just tissue and muscle, cornea, iris, and pupil. Just a pair of eyes, that may have meant something to her once, but not anymore.

And she will watch him stand there, watch him, and wait for that one crushing moment when he realizes that he cannot save her again, that he could never have saved her in the first place.

There is no escaping her destiny.

The destiny that her life will end at her own hand, though she doesn't know how. There are many ways.

A single bullet.

A bottle of pills.

A too-harsh swipe of a knife against bare flesh.

She knows that he will know that it is happening, and he will try his damndest to prevent it, he will try to save her life.

She has no life.

Nevertheless, he will try to save her, and he will fail.

And a girl named Summer would come to her end.

For Summer was never meant to grow old, she was meant to remain a girl forever.

Those around her, they will grow, they will have families, and when they are alone, thinking of the distant past, they will remember her.

They will remember her as Neil Roberts' only child.

Marissa Cooper's best friend.

Seth Cohen's first love.

A shining, beautiful girl, with a stubborn streak, and a reluctant smile.

They will remember her.

As a lie.

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end.


End file.
